Here’s what my infant daughter teaches me about self-care – Omaha World-Herald

It’s not like I’m letting my infant gorge herself on ice cream and soda, or spend all night partying with bad-influence babies or something, but generally, the girl does what she wants.

My husband and I do all of the parental things you’re supposed to do. We buy her a special and expensive formula because of her stomach sensitivities, and we warm it up in her fancy bottle warmer just so. We make her nursery exactly the right temperature. We turn on her soother to the calming, nature sounds, and we carefully wrap her up in her sleep sack each night to help her sleep. We research and then buy her developmentally-correct toys to encourage her to learn and grow.

Then she refuses to drink that bottle. She refuses to go sleep in that nursery that has been so perfectly prepared for that purpose. She refuses to play with those developmentally-correct toys we got her and instead spends hours happily chewing on her own foot.

Because that’s what babies do — they do what they want, when they want. They take care of themselves.

In that way, babies are the original self-care experts and they have a lot to teach us.

As adults — and parents, in particular — we tend to do exactly the opposite of what my daughter does. We do what we need to do so often that we forget what we want to do has value, too. We become so focused on caring for everything and everyone else around us that we forget to take care of ourselves.

We are taught this is just a part of a job. To be a good parent — a good mother especially — we are told must become selfless. We need to be productive, dutiful, organized, composed and nurturing all of the time. We need to give of ourselves so fully that we are become tired, overwhelmed and, in some ways, unfulfilled.

Forget about something as frivolous as wants; we need to forget about our needs.

Sure, there are times — especially as new parents — when even our basic needs have to be put on the back burner for a bit. What new parent hasn’t gone without good sleep or a good shower for a while? But I don’t think it’s healthy for us to sustain this level of deprivation in the long term. I don’t think we can offer our families and our children the best of ourselves if we don’t prioritize ourselves.

In order to be able to care for our families in the way they deserve, we have to offer ourselves the care we deserve, too. We have to do what we want to do — at least some of the time — no matter how frivolous or selfish that may seem. We have to take care of ourselves.

For me, that sometimes means going for a jog. Sometimes it means meditating. Still other times it means gorging myself on ice cream and soda because, unlike my daughter, I am totally allowed to do that.

So I do because I want to, and I take care of myself.

Ashley Strehle Hartman is a freelance writer and author who has worked in journalism, public relations and advertising. She and her husband have one daughter.