Opinion | Self-care is more than date nights, bubble baths – simcoe.com

We know that parenting can sometimes feel like a thankless task. Let’s face it, we are employed 24/7 to tiny, emotionally-unstable bosses with constant demands. No wonder we are burned out and exhausted.

So why do we have so much guilt around self-care?

When you get on a plane, they tell you an oxygen mask will drop down in case of an emergency. You need to put the mask on yourself first before putting it on your child. Sounds a bit selfish, right?

Consider this, however: if you fall unconscious, how are you to help your child? That’s is the crux of self-care; if we do not take care of ourselves, we will not have the ability to continue the monumental task of caring for our kids. Our kids deserve the best we can offer them, which includes the best version of yourself as their parent. When we examine self-care from this perspective, it quickly reframes that night out with your friends as not selfish but actually necessary.

To make it even more challenging, there is also a lot of confusion around self-care.

Often what comes to mind is bubble baths and date nights with your partner. These are fantastic strategies for helping to relax you, but it is not the full picture. We also have to re-evaluate day-to-day life to see if there are any supports that can be added or changes that can be made there.

For example, if you are doing 90 per cent of the work with the kids, all the cooking and cleaning, and your partner is having a snooze on the couch, a bubble bath is not going to make all of your stress magically disappear.

If we do not examine the underlying issues which are causing burnout, any self-care strategies merely become Band-Aid solutions.

A great strategy I share with clients is writing down two columns — areas you can control and areas you cannot. Can you find any stressors that are in your control to change, such as a more balanced distribution of responsibilities? Or can you create a plan to organize in the evening for the next day, so your morning is less hectic?

Tackling the underlying issues can lead to a healthier and more balanced lifestyle, which is the type of self-care that beats just a simple bubble bath any day.

Mary Charron is a social worker specializing in child and adolescent mental health. She can be reached at marycharrontherapy@gmail.com.